.

'excluded, aggressive, crazy and common'

2012-01-24T16:37:00.000-08:00

“As a jealous man, I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself to be subject to a banality: I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common.”
― Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse: Fragments

afternoon delight

2012-01-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

It rained all day today but it didn't stand in the way of my cupcake craving. I've always wanted to try Berko cupcakes because they scored pretty high in some reviews on the net, but simply put I was disappointed. The red velvet was dry and crumbly, as opposed to the one I tried in Jakarta that was all fluffy and moisty. The oreo wasn't that bad although it too lacked moist. What good is a cupcake if it isn't moisty??

So to compensate my disappointment I decided to drop by the nearest Guerrisol where this 3-euros shirt found me. This place has become an unhealthy addiction lately. Like every other thrift store everything looked filthy and unattractive at first glance, but then you start looking and these marvels (namely cashmere sweaters, silk shirts and wool coats) just sort of popped out (and in your size! and often under 5 euros!) I can no longer recall the last time I bought something out of a real store.. (which is of course a lie).

rive gauche

2012-01-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

Strolling around the left bank during Dira's visit. While it's refreshing to see a more 'contemporary' side of Paris I prefer the Haussmannien side any day.

2012

2012-01-17T11:08:00.000-08:00

It's a new year. I've decided to stop being such a lazy ass and try to get more interested about things, and not take for granted the fact that I'm currently living in a city that high school girls swoon about. I never believed in making resolutions and I prefer taking things as they come day by day but recently someone told me it's ridiculous not to have a path or something to look forward to in life. I guess that person's not entirely wrong. I do feel like in the past couple of years something switched off inside of me. I've lived aimlessly and justified it as 'going where the wind blows' whereas it's nothing but an excuse to live.. lazily (don't know any other word to describe this). This year I'm going to try and turn that switch back on - and of course the first steps are obviously making a diy hex nut bracelet and organizing my jewellery - but hey a girl's gotta start somewhere, trivial as it seems..

chez moi

2011-12-18T14:51:00.000-08:00

While I thoroughly enjoyed living in a shared apartment last year, I can't deny that deep down I'm a mildly unsociable person and having a space that is mine and mine only is very important. I may come home to an empty room but hey I can stick whatever I want on the wall and sing along to Class Actress without worrying that it will offend someone (although I do think the neighbors can still hear me).

2011-10-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

That night there was another dance party. The empty school yard was decked with lights and lanterns, and people were dancing to the music blaring from their headphones. It was your kind of thing. Except that they were doing lindy hop which you hate. But at this dance party, I don't know if you remember, they were playing waltz. I remember my hand on your shoulder, the other holding yours. I remember making our way through old ladies in floral frocks and their equally dashing dance partners, my bag dangling down my shoulder, making it awkward to move freely so I threw it on the floor. I remember twirling and spinning, and I remember that I was so happy that now I guess it just makes sense, that even from the beginning it was too good to be true.

2010

2011-09-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

Found scans from last year when I first arrived in France.

demain

2011-09-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

To tell you the truth there are still a lot of things I would have loved to do before the end of this month, which includes but are not limited to : a chinese restaurant, a photobooth at a random metro station, walk along the canal and play that stupid game where if one looks at the circle that the other made with their thumb and index finger one would get one's arm punched, drinks at one of those obscure bars around Bastille and Republique, picnic at the Buttes Chaumonts even though it's no longer the weather for picnics, go see another ridiculous romantic comedy and watch you crack up during some of the funnier scenes and then fold your arms during the weepy ones, take the train to your house in the suburbs where you would conjure up dinner from whatever ingredients are left in the fridge, try not to fall asleep again while watching The Big Lebowski, go crash another bal populaire and make fun of men wearing tight pink v-neck t-shirts, but the problem is we're running out of time, and you're running out of patience, and I can no longer tell when to let my guard up, when to let it down, no longer know what to say or what to do, and while I know we're never going to have our padlocks, like you said, it's nice having something constant for a change.

a boot a day

2011-08-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

By now I think we can all just forget sandals, wedges, peep toes and friends. Try harder next year, summer. But as for me, I'm not complaining, as long as I have a pair of each of these for each day of the week (Sundays are for staying in).

all images are from www.f-troupe.com

bxl

2011-08-22T14:07:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt so familiar and comfortable with something that somewhere in the back of your mind, for no apparent reason, you think you might eventually lose it? You try not to get too attached so that when the time comes you wouldn't miss it as much, you overwrite the good memories, you start imagining new ones, and it's all a loop really. What good are memories when they only remind you of what's not yours anymore.

never never never

2011-08-18T06:15:00.000-07:00

Remember Rilo Kiley, Death Cab for Cutie, Metric, and the glorious days of sweet and simple indie pop?

I asked for mud, I got mud

2011-08-15T04:42:00.000-07:00

I was offered a free ticket for Saturday's La Route du Rock, and while I have an internship report to finish this weekend, how can one say no? On Thursday I checked the weather predictions and a light drizzle was to be expected. I secretly hoped that it would rain, just so I can wear my (borrowed) rubber boots. And man did it rain. A lot. We were trapped under our tent, a 'well equipped' one luckily and before we knew it it was already 21:30 and we missed Low and Cults. We got on the scene just in time for Blonde Redhead (who were amazing words escape me), and still it rained. Dirty Beaches and The Kills (who were brilliant, they played Tape Song!!) were up next, and still it rained. The rain didn't stop until Battles played their encore and by this time my black rubber boots were caked brown with mud up to the knee and my hair were a tangled web of wet strands (thank God for hoodies). It was a nightmare to wake up the next morning in order to catch my ride back to Paris but for me it was the Saturday - I don't know what else can possibly top that.

Except maybe if I win another free ticket for Rock en Seine at the end of this month..

where did July go?

2011-08-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

I have been a lame faux-Parisienne. I didn't take many photos the past month that I've been here except for some random shots on my film camera.. but to my defense I guess I've been to absorbed in fully experiencing those moments and just can't be bothered to rummage inside my mess of a handbag for five minutes to fish out my camera. Bastille Day was of course an exception. I never saw fireworks like this before, at some point it's too breathtakingly beautiful I felt tears stinging my eyes (I exaggerate).

And then I've been to quite a lot of flea markets, friperies, and such. Let's just say that sometimes 'vintage' is a much abused label.. I don't understand how you can call a dirty old Converse sneakers 'vintage' and then put a 20 euros price tag on it, but there are a lot of similar absurdities going on in these places. But I also found out about Guerrisol though, a chain of secondhand store, where I scored two impeccable blazers for 6 euros.

And of course there's also the afternoon at Parc de la Villette, beer and lemonade by the Canal St Martin, le Comptoir General and Point d'Ephemere, dancing at a random bal populaire, Michel Gondry at the open air cinema, the search for ramen slash lamen at rue Saint Anne, getting lost and walking all the way from the Sacre Coeur to my apartment, all in less than 48 hours, I'm afraid I'm getting addicted :)

All this being said, only two months left and there's no reason not to go snap happy.

bonjour Paris

2011-07-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

Three months in Paris for my internship, I'm still deliriously happy.

by the sea pt.2

2011-06-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off getting my film rolls developed for almost five months now because photo labs are unbelievably expensive here, but today I finally relented and shelled out 10 euros to get the last roll from St Malo and Cape Frehel developed. It was me and my roommate's last day out together, she left France yesterday and I miss her so so much. I bawled my eyes out at the station while helping her get her two 20 kilos each suitcase aboard the TGV. We had lots and lots of fun together.. sniff. More photos on my flickr.

se souvenir des belles choses

2011-06-27T16:41:00.000-07:00

..and just like that, everyone is leaving the city.

dorothy

2011-06-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

I remember having an obsession on those sparkly ruby red Dorothy shoes, so stumbling upon this pair of gold ones at only five euros I just can't resist.. Ebay truly is a magical place.

l'illusionniste

2011-06-15T02:01:00.000-07:00

I love animated films, but aside from Studio Ghibli's and Persepolis I don't know a lot of other titles, which is why I was ecstatic to have found a 'compilation' (uhm, torrent) of French animated movies. L'Illusionniste is one of them. The storyline is simple, the animation is simply beautiful (I personally can't resist the charm of moving watercolor pictures), the music plays out the emotion perfectly, and learning the truth behind the script just makes it all the more perfect. Watching it with the rain pouring outside made me feel the loneliest I've ever been in a long time, and therefore I can't recommend it enough.

2011-06-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

less than three weeks left in this semester which means deadline approaching soon, and yet after a more or less disastrous exam week I've lost all motivation to work. most of the time I just sit on my desk zooming in and out of the AutoCAD viewport or resorting to sidereel.com (currently watching The Middle) or ebay.fr for inspiration. if all goes well summer break will probably be interesting, in fact I am trying my hardest to suppress my excitement in case things don't go as planned because it involves my mental well-being for the next three months. the truth is I'm just bummed that everybody's leaving this summer and as much as I try to look on the bright side (a chance to finally make a real effort on fitting in with them frenchies) I can't help thinking that next year may not be as fun as this one.

marre d'avoir marre

2011-06-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

Paris last weekend

2011-05-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

I'm done with tourist spots in Paris, really. The past eight months I've been a makeshift guide every time a friend comes to visit, and every single time it has always been Eiffel - Louvre - Champs Elysees - Notre Dame - Sacre Coeur. I'm coming back this weekend and I promise myself I will not go anywhere near those places. And I promise myself that this time I WILL manage to find Mamie Gateaux, no matter what.

by the sea

2011-05-23T05:02:00.000-07:00

Spent all day Sunday in Dinard, lying on the sand, reading, eating ice cream, and getting attacked by seagulls (one of them stole the galette I was eating). As much as I hate being burned it's nice to get some heat once in a while.

random wishlist #1

2011-05-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

#1 I want to live in an apartment with turquoise balcony railing

#2 I want a little puppy and dress him up so he won't get cold when I take him for walks with a leash that matches his clothes

#3 I would love for some random 'street artist' to vandalize my apartment's garage wall

#4 I want to lay on the grass in the park dozing off and listening to some melancholy R&B tunes from the 90's (but I'm not keen on getting skin cancer so will probably stay in the shade)

#5 Even though I don't cook a lot (if not at all) I wish we had an electric mixer instead of a good old-fashioned whisk

#6 I really wish French architecture offices would take me as an intern and stop playing with my feelings already, I have enough French guys doing that thank you very much

marseille sous le soleil

2011-05-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

"Bonjour. Vous etes vraiment jolie comme femme."
"Euh, merci.."
"Oui mais vraiment je vous trouve magnifique. J'aimerais bien avoir la chance de sortir avec vous."
"Oui mais.. non."
"Au moins je peux avoir votre numero?"
"..."

Oh Marseille. Not everyday do random strangers come up to me and tell me how beautiful they think I am. If my life were a movie I would've given him my number, we would've gone out for coffee, I would've extended my stay and he would've taken me around on his cool Vespa, we would've fallen in love and live happily ever after and we would've had an awesome story to tell our grand children about how we met haphazardly while waiting for the red light to cross the street.. or, he could've been a human trafficking scout specializing in Asian tourists. *knock on wood* But Marseille.. it's like its own country to me, I didn't feel like I was in France. I like it. I would love to go back.

Firenze

2011-04-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a lesson when traveling with budget airlines: be 150% sure that you will be able to fly on your departure date. I bought my tickets 3 months in advance, then 10 days before my flight found out that I have a make-up test the day after my initial departure date.. They do have an option to change your flight, BUT the cost of the modification itself is more expensive than what you paid for your tickets in the first place. Long story short I ended up buying a new ticket with a different airline which saved me a lot of money, and was ready to embark on an Italian adventure! Doesn't that sound exciting?!

Not really. Because my flight was delayed for two hours (of course), which meant less time in Milan (I only have one day in Milan because I arrived two days later than two of my travel-friends and must respect the schedule :s), and so I landed, took the shuttle from the airport to the central station which lasted about 1 hour thanks to traffic jam, and rushed to by train tickets to Florence that same afternoon. And so.. two hours after I landed in Milan, I was already on the train to Florence. It took us around 6 hours with the cheapest train to reach Florence, the train stopped approximately every 30 minutes. By the time we got to Florence I was so tired and jaded and just want to get to our hostel. I honestly didn't see any 'beauty' whatsoever of the city.

The next morning we took a walk around the city, hopping from one piazza to another, got distracted at San Lorenzo market, took pictures in front of and of the Duomo and Uffizi, and ate gelato. But I felt like something's missing, because the city wasn't at all what I expected it to be. Maybe I just didn't go to the right places, or I didn't give it enough time, but my impression on Florence was: oh, that's it? I know it's terrible but I really didn't feel the 'magic' people talk about.. Does this make me a bad traveler? I guess maybe I'll just have to give it another shot..

2011-04-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

image by [al]

Adieu tristesse
Bonjour tristesse
Tu es inscrite dans les lignes du plafond
Tu es inscrite dans les yeux que j’aime
Tu n’es pas tout à fait la misère
Car les lèvres le plus pauvres te dénoncent
Par un sourire
Bonjour tristesse
Amour des corps aimables
Puissance de l’amour
Dont l’amabilité surgit
Comme un monstre sans corps
Tête désappointée
Tristesse beau visage

P. Eluard

the end of something that never really started

2011-04-10T06:04:00.000-07:00

relapse

2011-04-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

It's funny how I've been in France for about eight months now and I never ate at a French restaurant (creperies don't count). I've eaten at a Mexican restaurant, had sushi a couple of times, tried Thai food, Korean BBQ, chinese (of course!) and I've been to some pizzerias, but never to a French bistro. I wonder why..

And just this evening I ate at an American diner, had cheese burger with onion rings and a mountain of fries, and oreo milkshake, and I feel like I gained 2 kilos already. But at the same time I've been digesting a lot of fruit too.. apparently it's strawberry season cause you can find it everywhere and it's really cheap. And apparently it's also 'blame the hot weather for making me buy new shoes because all I have are winter boots' season.

think I can

2011-04-06T01:24:00.000-07:00

Yes Matt, I'll wait.

spring, but not quite yet

2011-04-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

Not quite yet because it rained all day yesterday and today, but on Friday the weather was sublime. I went out with some friends to this nice little cafe, and then went to the park although we got there just as it was closing, and then basically just wandered around the city center. Friday was also a good day because a technician finally came to fix my laptop. I lost all my files, photos, music and movies from the old hard drive but it doesn't seem like such a big deal right now. Gone with the old in with the new.

In keeping with the spring spirit I'm also tempted to get this Cath Kidston case for my phone, but I'm really not keen on paying 10 pounds for the shipping alone..

random reasons #1

2011-03-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

#1 Why one should not skimp on shoes - Because this pair of camel ballerinas that cost 3€ at Primark got ruined after one whole day outdoors. It has now become my house-slipper.

#2 Why one should not skimp on decoration - Because you don't want a pair of boxer fall on top your head while you're trying to win the heart of that particular 'guy from the fifth year' by talking about Mies van der Rohe..

#3 Why one should send me postcards - Because I will stick it up on my wall, wherever it came from, whatever the picture.

#4 Why one should always have egg and flour in their cupboards - Because one never knows when a pancake craving will attack. It is absolutely acceptable to steal one's roommate's egg or flour in case of emergency. (Thanks Molly)

to April

2011-03-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

With the tragedy that are the loss of my external hard disk and (hopefully) temporary illness of my laptop, it is impossible for me to update my portfolio, which makes it impossible for me to apply for my summer internship. I know I can modify the old one by cropping the images and clone-stamping unwanted text, but the truth is online window-shopping is a far more interesting thing to do on a Sunday, am I right or am I right.

image sources : pimkie.fr, warehouse.co.uk, lagarconne.com, my-wardrobe.com, topshop.com, net-a-porter.com, americanapparel.com, urbanoutfitters.com, monkigirl.se

nervous

2011-03-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

This song is currently on repeat on my ipod. Listening to it makes me feel strangely at peace and optimistic and out of place at the same time.. it's almost like being in love even though it's actually not quite that yet. It's the spark and the excitement of everything that is new, and things that are still to come. Or.. maybe it's just that I've been listening to this song too much. Either way it's still a good song and Joan's voice is just perfect.. what a cool chick.

germany, I like!

2011-03-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

One week in Germany: Stuttgart, Heidelberg, Frankfurt and one bonus day in Strasbourg, France. I love unplanned vacations, I'm going home tonight flat broke with only 7 euros in my wallet but I have no regrets.. except for that one time I got fined 40 euros for not having a train ticket :( If anything I can't wait to come back here some time later this year. This visit couldn't have been as awesome if it weren't for Ms. D and her 'brothers'. Voll geil, man!

disconnected

2011-01-30T03:10:00.000-08:00

My laptop has been temporarily dead for the past two weeks. No laptop means no access to the internet, which means no blogging and no blog walking. Right now I am using my roommate's laptop while she sleeps off her hangover. It might take a month or more to fix my laptop. I feel crippled and liberated at the same time. I guess this will teach me a lesson not to rely on technology too much.. which given the circumstances makes no sense really.

In the meantime here are two movies I wish I could see right this instant.

from above

2011-01-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

Some photos from two weeks ago in Paris. Can't deny I do love taking pictures of 'the tower' from every possible angle - in this case, seen from afar from the terrace of Centre Pompidou.

2011

2011-01-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

Despite the well wishes for a 'happy' new year I know it's impossible to escape sadness, especially when it's freezing out and your apartment's heater is useless and you think about home and how it's never going to be this cold there.. and of course listening to Bon Iver is never a good idea in moments like these.

christmas 2010

2010-12-31T01:18:00.000-08:00

I spent the Christmas weekend in Paris being a tourist and visiting all the tourist traps: Laduree, souvenir shops, the Eiffel, Champs-Elysees, and practically each McDonald's or Quick in each quartier. It was a good trip and we still had fun.. but next year I'm definitely giving going solo a try.

his and hers

2010-12-19T12:54:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I'm jealous. I want a flickr boyfriend, someone I can go out and take walks with and then we would take each other's pictures with our analog cameras.

Pictures are from Kate and Thom's photostream. Kate also has a blog here.

december

2010-12-19T07:49:00.000-08:00

Two days ago my roommates have left for Christmas break and I have the apartment all for myself. At first it was horrible, not having anyone around to talk to and laugh with, but I'm getting more and more used to it. I can make a mess out of the kitchen and leave my things lying around everywhere cause no one would mind. But if no roommates equal messy apartment I think I'd rather not live alone. There's nothing special about Christmas in Rennes. Of course there's the lights and markets but nothing spectacular. I'm going to Paris tomorrow and I have high hopes for the festivity there. Happy holidays everyone!

b&w fail

2010-11-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

It was my birthday last week and my roommates made me a cake and birthday dinner and bought me two OPI nail polishes. Needless to say I love them! This week we cooked Thanksgiving dinner together, even though we made roast chicken instead of turkey cause apparently turkey isn't in season yet in France.. but it was still a good dinner. Today I got my first B&W film scanned and all the pictures turn out grainy. I don't understand what might have gone wrong.. My camera doesn't have an ISO setting so it can't be that error, or is it because it's expired film? Well anyway, it just sucks to have paid 10 euros for less than satisfactory pictures. But at least I'm going to watch Harry Potter tomorrow.. in French :/

Rennes lately

2010-11-06T06:36:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to go to Mont Saint Michel today but I overslept and missed the bus. Then I saw that it's raining outside and was glad that I didn't get up in time. There has been some serious weather moodswing around here and I tell you it is not good for my appetite. We got these fancy canned fish from our roommate's friend who came over last weekend and they go really well with baguette.. We also indulged in sushi delivery and just yesterday night, mexican food. I even go as far as whipping up a self-made meal that does not consist of frozen/canned ingredients! Must slow down starting next week..

ps. Went to see Beach House last night and they were perfect as expected.. I was a bit disappointed by how short the set was, but they played 10 Mile Stereo for the last encore so I'm not complaining.

here we go again

2010-10-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

And the vicious cycle of architecture school has officially started. The past few weeks I was flooded with classes and projects and too much French than I can handle, at one point I just muttered 'oui' to whatever my classmates said to me and a couple of times they had this confused look on their face. But I also found out that we have a negative scanner in our computer lab at school so I don't have to pay 5 euros to scan my films anymore! The colors are a bit off and the picture quality so-so, not to mention those annoying dust, but I scanned these in a hurry. Will take my time next time.

Another annoying thing is that I don't get a week off for Toussaints, boo. Most of my friends do and they're going to Paris or whatever other city that's more exciting than Rennes. I'm really counting on the Christmas holidays to travel somewhere.. where is everyone going to spend their New Year's Eve?

azure ray..

2010-09-26T01:38:00.000-07:00

..has a new album! Somehow the songs go really well with the cold weather, thick wool socks and two layers of down comforter.

back to argentique

2010-09-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

Found a cheaper photo lab and got some negatives scanned :)

I went to Paris last weekend for the Journee Patrimoine, on which most museums, monuments and historical buildings throughout France are opened for public, and entrance is (supposedly) free. Sadly this wasn't the case for the Louvre though.. But I did get into the Presidential Palace (Palais d'Elysee) for free - after waiting in line for FOUR hours. Because of this craziness I had to skip a bunch of stuff that I had initially planned to do, such as:
- Go to Musée d'Orsay and Musée du Quai Branly
- Try some Ladurée macarons
- Go to Mamie Gateau
- Go to the APC Surplus store

All in all it was an exhausting trip. I forgot how big Paris really is and even now, 6 days later, I still have about ten different blisters on my feet to remind me that.. which reminds me that I desperately need to buy comfortable walking shoes immediately. So far I've tried sneakers, trainers, flats, boots, moccasins, boat shoes, and each and every one of them give me blisters. I honestly don't know what else to try.

back to numerique

2010-09-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

One thing I sorely miss about my hometown is the photo lab. It costs about 1.5 euros to develop and scan a roll of film. Here, it's 10 euros for development and scan. So what I did was develop the rolls for 5 euros each, and hopefully get a secondhand scanner in the near future. A cheaper alternative would be developing them myself, but it involves chemicals, agitations, water temperature and all that with the possibility of ruining my negatives, so until I get a pro to tell me exactly how to do it I think it's best to avoid it..

Anyway, there was a huge strike in town today, I think it's (still) about the retirement age in France, and so I had to walk all the way from the city center back to my apartment because there was no bus to be found.. It's really not that far, but given my poor sense of direction, of course, I got lost. Luckily I found a cute patissier and decided to stop and buy lunch :)

bonjour!

2010-09-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm finally in France, it still seems surreal that I'm finally here, taking the metro, eating baguette, speaking (broken) French, and all that.. Spent one day in Paris before going to Rennes, and only went past the Eiffel which was packed! Went to Rennes the next morning, it's quite a challenge because my luggage is practically the size of a washing machine. Thankfully there are still nice people around who helped me lug it up and down the train compartment.

Everyone I asked said that Rennes is a beautiful little city, and I have to say there's no better way to sum it up! I haven't explored much but the city center is really pretty, little streets paved with cobblestones, strips of shops and cafe here and there.. It's crowded but not as hectic as Paris I suppose. Also the weather is great here (for the moment), it's sunny all day long, although it rained a little this morning. Right now I'm putting together my room, the walls are red! Not my favorite color for interiors but I'm getting used to it. So excited for my first trip to Ikea and decorating my room and taking pictures of it, hehe.

Until then, a bientot!

the 25th already?

2010-08-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Obviously I have a little too much time in my hands, added to the fact that I've been spending around 30% of my waking hours thinking about the perfect airplane outfit. I think I'm all set except for the backpack, the duffle coat, the boots (mine is in black), the tote bag and the gloves.. (this post was made possible with the help of svpply.com)

2010-08-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hello August. Please stay a bit longer.

this or that

2010-07-28T02:03:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading Indecision by Benjamin Kunkel. It's about a guy who has abulia, or a 'chronic inability to make up his mind', and agrees to become a test subject on a drug that supposedly will cure his condition. All I have to say on that subject is, it should be 'the new Viagra' for men. They need them probably more than those little blue pills. It will make this world a more habitable place, I believe. But come to think of it, I might need some too because ever since my AA nail polishes arrived I can't decide whether I want Peacock, Butter, or California Trooper on my nails :>

ps. So I googled 'abulia' and surprise surprise it really exists. The most common symptoms are:

Difficulty in initiating and sustaining purposeful movements
Lack of spontaneous movement
Reduced spontaneous movement
Increased response-time to queries
Passivity
Reduced emotional responsiveness and spontaneity
Reduced social interactions
Reduced interest in usual pastimes

And now I'm not sure whether I can differentiate abulia with plain laziness..

juliet, naked, and lack thereof

2010-07-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

Finally got round to reading Mr. Hornby's latest creation, awkwardly titled 'Juliet, Naked'. The basic idea is interesting. It involves an obscure 'indie' vocalist named Tucker Crowe who went into early retirement, Duncan, his self-proclaimed biggest fan, and Annie, the biggest fan's girlfriend who actually loathes him. Things could get interesting.. but they don't. I think mostly it's because there are just too many things going on at the same time with these three people. They have issues with relationships, having too many kids, not having any kids, problems at work, infidelity, heart-attack, existentialism, and so on and so forth. It's true that in later chapters the focus returns to Tucker and Annie's relationship/interaction which I assume is the primary plot here but by that time I really couldn't care less about what happened to them because none of the characters feel genuine enough for me to give a damn..

..Which could be a result of another thing I noticed: a lot of the characters in this novel sound the same. It's like if I imagined their lines spoken out loud, it would come out from the same person. I've had a hard time telling which character spoke what in some of the longer alternating dialogue and narrative, and I can't help but feel slightly ticked. With such a diverse cast of characters must they all have that same dry, bland, washed-up personality? And there are still a lot of other things that frustrate me! Given the premise I was supposed to love the dialogues; dead-end relationships and cultural snobiety, that's top material there, but I was left charmless. Not to mention the secondary characters, they're just insufferable. Confused psychiatrist, lesbian friend, and small-town 'celebrity', really, they don't add any substance to the story and just add to the already abundant artificiality. And Tucker's song titles and lyrics! Was it supposed to be that cheesy? Was Nick Hornby being ironic? Or was he simply a horrible song writer?

I try so hard to like this novel but in the end I had to accept the fact that maybe it's simply not that good of a book. Or, maybe, I just can't get into the entire forty-something demographic and the issues they face. But then again not really, if he hadn't provided explanation about their age, these characters could easily still be in their twenties or early thirties. Well, whatever it is, I have to disagree with Spectator who deemed this 'Hornby's best novel to date'. But, like Duncan and every dedicated fan, I still believe in him, and look forward to reading his next novel. Hopefully he'll stick to writing about young people though, because it seemed to me that's what he does best.

>> I re-read this post and realize that I got a little carried away and that I sound a lot like Duncan! So at least in that sense it does leave some kind of impact to me.

still here

2010-07-11T01:11:00.000-07:00

I'm having an interview on Tuesday and although everyone assured me that it's really only standard procedure and doesn't really count, it's still making me nervous. Other things that make me nervous include: not yet finding an apartment, not yet getting myself into an architectural mood, and worst of all, not yet figuring out how to say all of the above in French without hastily checking Reverso or Wordreference.

almost there

2010-06-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

Some random things:

1. I'm on the last few pages of Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone. It really scared me. I don't ever want to come undone.

2. Fuji Superia is officially my favorite

3. Nail colors can really affect moods. Pastels put me in a happier state than dark solid colors

4. It's one thing to learn the language but another to learn the talk

a baby pt.2

2010-06-16T02:10:00.000-07:00

clucky: 1. when a woman is feeling broody. this means that she is starting to see babies, and all that having one entails, in a much more positive light. (via urban dictionary)

I definitely don't want my own baby yet, but holding my cousin's baby girl felt so nice and comforting. I just love the smell of baby powder and pinching those chubby cheeks, and I love how she never seemed to cry. If only babies can go to the toilet all by themselves, that would be so convenient and would totally make me cluckier than usual.

sunday

2010-06-13T02:21:00.000-07:00

Some photos from my last trip to Bandung during the university entrance exam week where my sister had applied. We stayed at an old hotel not far from the university, and it reminded me of shady motels in slasher movies. On the third picture I swear I couldn't remember a girl was standing there..

On a less mystic note, my new-old Olympus Pen EE2 arrived last week. I admit that one of the reasons I decided to get it is because of the 72 frames. I love the idea of being able to get twice as much picture for the cost of one film roll, it's just financially reasonable for the moment. Right now I'm still at the 20th or something frame; while it's economical at times it felt like I'm never going to finish this one roll :p

In the meantime these are some of my favorites from the Olympus Pen flickr pool. They remind me of Heidi and Fraulein Maria and the rolling hills in The Sound of Music and made me want to go hiking.

pictures via heheyt's photostream

say cheeese

2010-06-05T09:18:00.000-07:00

I can't explain why I have an attraction to cameras. I like taking pictures but clearly I'm not a photographer, thus it doesn't really justify my incessant need for them. Plus I don't give a hoot about all those technical aspects like.. like prisms and focal lengths and exposure compensation, or whatever, and I don't need fancy lenses or expensive brands, so actually one camera should serve my purposes just fine. But there's just something about camera bodies, especially analog ones, that's just so alluring. Digital cameras nowadays have no appeal to me compared to these analog babies, and I think I can blame it on this website.

Seriously, how often do you go out on the street and see people sporting a Leica around their neck? Apparently, in Japan, almost everyday. Oh, one of those cameras above should be in my hands in a couple of days, can you guess which one? (It's obviously not the bottom one, to my dismay, but someday maybe.. a girl can dream)

*all images from www.tokyocamerastyle.com

keep in mind

2010-06-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

although it would be nice to get some sort of 'leak' of this program..

pilules bleues

2010-05-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know much about graphic novels aside from Persepolis, but this has to be one of the best ones out there. It's a story about the artist himself, Frederik Peeters, his HIV positive girlfriend and her son, and their everyday life dealing with this disease. I can think of a bunch of cliches to describe just how amazing this book is, like 'honest, funny, poignant, heart-wrenching' and all that, and it still won't do it justice. Oh but one that will: 'must-read'.

More about Peeters, and his blog of zombie illustrations.

of losing things

2010-05-26T00:29:00.000-07:00

My cellphone and digital camera got stolen a couple of days ago. The thief came in through my bedroom window and I'm thankful he didn't steal my laptop or do other funny stuff, but still, there's this kind of void that I felt in the first couple of hours after I realized my loss. They're not real fancy or anything, but having something taken away from you, no matter how small it is, is upsetting right? Like books and DVDs somebody borrowed but neglected to return, or that one hair elastic you couldn't find in the mess of your bag on a very hot day, or that one life-changing opportunity that you were so sure of getting, but instead it fell to another person's hands.

better homes and garden

2010-05-19T04:08:00.000-07:00

List of things for my dream house:

- Hardwood floors

- Pastel-colored shutters

- White walls and white flowy curtains

- Solid wood dining table

- Four seater sofa with a bunch of mismatched little pillows

- Wrought iron bed (for this, I might change my mind later)

- White porcelain chinaware to go with the floral table mats

- Doilies!

*All pictures are from http://www.afternoon-tea.net, do check it out for yummy food photos, impeccable interior / home styling, and lovely freebies.

crunch time

2010-05-17T04:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, does anyone have a spare plane ticket? It doesn't have to be anywhere far, Bali or Lombok would be fine. It's just that it feels so wrong to be wearing these sandals in the city. They were not made to walk on asphalt streets and tiled floors, they were made to walk on green grass and sandy beach sides. And they are to be paired with shorts and dresses, not jeans or trousers. Anyway the next three months has to be the most crucial three months in my life so far. Whatever happens I guess I'll just have to deal with it. The question is, trois ans d'études d'architecture en Français, or one year of it in English?

24 and cool yeah

2010-05-10T02:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Ms. Diranrv turned 24 and she spent it at home bidding things on eBay, we just never grow up do we? I'm abstaining from buying shoes again, who knows how long it's going to last this time, but I know you haven't really succeeded either :p Really really really miss you, all our friends, and the 4 years of architecture hell. But anyway we still have another 3 years, don't we? *crossing fingers*

ps. Turkish literature sounds exotic and interesting to me :p

student life

2010-04-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I went to Bandung. Some of my friends from university are still there, doing their masters, painting, working. Two of them live in this small rented house and it's just the ultimate bachelorette pad. Pink walls and beanbags, clothes strewn all over the place, DVD marathons, dirty dishes in the sink, junk food.. I almost wish I had stayed behind too, just so I can have a place to 'call my own'. And I know I'll regret ever saying this, but I kinda miss staying up all night doing assignments too.

favorite sweater

2010-04-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

(click to view larger)

This is what's been keeping me from getting my work done lately.

2010-04-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

don't you hate it when memories sneak up on you when you least expect it, and all of a sudden you find lost letters and photographs that you could do better without? you worry about developing the forgotten film rolls in your drawer because you're not sure you want more reminders; well it's a bit too late for that, right? and then you had to go and listen to a certain Civil Wars song, and John, as if he hadn't said and sung enough, had to ask by the end of the song, 'Are you sad yet?'; seriously? I also read somewhere that there's no need to miss someone from your past because there's a reason they didn't make it to your future - and I swear I never hated quotes this much.

7

2010-04-02T07:40:00.000-07:00

Janelle tagged me and I like making lists so here goes:

I followed @ZodiacFacts on Twitter for one whole day. Finally came to my senses and unfollowed it the next day.
I am slightly obsessed with coincidences.
I've never been to the movies alone, and I think if I can do that, I can do anything I want in the world.
Went through a brief Dance Dance Revolution phase back in uni.(!)
I hate aisle seats.
Been itching to get this out: 'Taking photos doesn't make you a photographer.'
I do think Robert Pattinson is cute.

Not sure if they have done this before but I'm tagging Didi, Hila, Sarah, Melly, Kethy, Yasmin, Batari

2010-03-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

If someone were to ask me where do I see myself in five years, I'd probably say nothing.

I'd probably pretend I didn't hear the question. I keep asking myself the same thing over and over again, but I can't find an honest answer. I can't even picture myself six months from now. Nothing is for sure right now, like a draft waiting for a stamp of approval. I want things that are far out of my reach, and I drown in blind obsession over them, preventing me to see the things that are not. While everyone says dreaming is good, how high should one extend one's hope?

But if someone were to ask me where I want to be, at this time, five years later, my answer would probably be:

I would be in my apartment, in any city I happen to be in at that time, any city but the one I grew up in. I would be sitting on a white wooden dining chair with my laptop and his papers spread out on the dining table. The speaker would be playing Aznavour; it would be one of those slow and lazy days. It would be his turn to cook for dinner, nothing fancy. It could be instant macaroni and cheese and I wouldn't mind. Then we would sit on the couch and eat in front of the TV, watch the news or the weather forecast, and talk about the current ways of the world. Outside, we can hear the train passing by from a nearby station. One of the walls would be navy blue and covered in photographs, a combined accumulation of our lives within the previous couple of years. Two beige trench coats would hang on the back of the door, and our boots, caked with snow, would sit side by side on the hallway. When it gets colder, we would wrap ourselves with a red-white-and-blue tartan blanket and speak nonsense until we fall asleep.

churros et al

2010-03-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about food. Yes, food is comforting. Makes one forget about one's anxiety. I can't say much about Spanish culinary though, because I didn't try out any tapas, not even once! Most of the time we just ate roast chicken or some form of fish with chips, ridiculous amount of Chinese, two attempts at paella, and lots of bread. I didn't enjoy paella very much though because it's too soggy and the huge portion made me feel guilty for not finishing it. I had high hopes for churros, but the ones we tried are so-so and too greasy. The egg tarts from Lisbon was heavenly, what with the crusts and burnt caramel and all. Word has it they make 15.000 egg tarts every day, that's pretty crazy.

But, my favorite has to be the Lay's Receita Campesinas. Best Lay's flavor ever made and perfect companion during the long bus rides. Needless to say it was a bit of a disappointment to come home to boring Seaweed Lay's..
.

em and dex, dex and em

2010-03-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

15th July 1988. Emma and Dexter met on the night of their graduation. Tomorrow they must go their separate ways. So where will they be on this day next year? And the year after that? And every year that follows?

Reading those lines on the back cover, I was sold. I've been looking for a straight simple adequately cheesy love story, and this book is exactly that. Right from the start, you can immediately guess how it will end but it doesn't matter because you enjoy the entire process of getting there. Girl meets boy, they are exact opposites, fell in love, drifted apart, found other love along the way, but none of them really got over the other.. that kind of thing. Plenty of 'I know that feeling!' moments, that's for sure.

The thing is, David Nicholls reminds me of Nick Hornby; only slightly cheesier. I found myself cringing and grating my teeth in some parts of this book; at times his characters didn't feel genuine enough and the decisions they make weren't believable / clever enough. Okay maybe I'm just upset because it took 20 years for Emma and Dexter to finally be together - and just as they're finally building their life, David Nicholls had to go and kill off one of them - but I can't imagine any English/History graduate, idealist as she may be, working at a Mexican restaurant. Or maybe things were different in 1988?

But still, this is a pleasant read. I particularly loved the last chapter, where we return to the night Em and Dex first met, and the events that followed the morning after. It even succeeded in making me cry like a baby after I finished it, and of course that's always welcome.

routines

2010-03-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

what should one do with a foggy lens?

He would say, "You have too many shoes" and I would say, "A girl can never have enough" and he would just sigh as I called over the shop assistant for my size. When he's in a good mood he would casually point out some shoes that he thought I might like. He hates shiny metallic buckles and pointy toes. He would roll his eyes or click his tongue as I fumbled for my wallet in front of the cashier, and I would smile to his annoyed face, and every time, he couldn't help but smile back.

flash

2010-03-10T01:34:00.000-08:00

This is Flash, my former office's resident dog. He may look calm and cute in these photos, but once he's out, there is no way I can get a steady picture of him. Flash likes: drooling, stamping his dirty paws on our butts, chewing rubber sandals and shoes, chasing frogs, swimming in the reflecting pool. Flash dislikes: unfriendly people (me, for example), getting a shower, deflated rubber balls, getting his head hit by the phone receiver (my boss does that when he's not behaving). Flash rarely barks, he usually just howls. Kind of missing the notion of having a pet and the riot that comes with them; the fishes here are too quiet.

vraiment fou

2010-03-09T02:59:00.000-08:00

I don't think I like B/W film. Too dark and moody. Need more positive energy.

French class started two weeks ago, and I made the mistake of being ignorant/uninformed. It turns out the class I'm in is preparing for the B1 test, whereas I already have a B1 certificate and had originally planned to take the B2 test next June. I then planned to casually ask madame la directrice if it is possible for me to transfer to the B2 class, and in return I got the longest & fastest scold; in French. Basically what she said was, one cannot just skip classes in the middle of the term like that (I thought to myself it's only 2 weeks in anyway, duh), and that one cannot rush the learning process of the French language, especially if one plans on studying in France. I just stood there mumbling 'Oui' and 'D'accord' which was pretty lame. She looked and sounded so angry, I wanted to cry. Do all French people talk like that? I'm starting to worry.

fell in love with Uncle Sergei

2010-03-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know what got into me but I was browsing on random pages on last.fm when I found myself on Rachmaninoff's page. I was delightfully surprised! I've only ever seen his old pictures, and when it comes to classical music, who cares how the composer looked like anyway? But I'm pretty sure the young Rachmaninoff must've been quite a hit with the ladies back then. I bet they were all lined up to get into his concert. I know I would.

some random thoughts

2010-02-28T07:30:00.000-08:00

- waterproof mascara is evil to your lashes
- never think that a Sadie wedge look-alike will replace the real thing; it never will
- headphones + driving on the highway = bad idea
- daily consumption of HRO may cause slight damage to your brain/grammar/other English language ability
- just because it's over doesn't mean that it's gone

miss this feeling

2010-02-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

Gaudi / Barcelona

2010-02-23T06:15:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is: two days are not enough.

perfect timing

2010-02-16T05:05:00.000-08:00

Well, the Placebo show is tonight, and I'm in front of the computer composing this post, which means I'm not going to see it.. huge thanks to my upside-down third molars. I had a fever, it felt as if a bunch of 4 year olds are screaming into my ears, and even my limbs ache. I really didn't know a tooth can do that to your body. But thankfully the euphoria of seeing Placebo has subsided, because I've been watching other, better live performances by other, better bands; like this one:

Would be nice if they get back together even if it is just to play that song.

tick tock

2010-02-12T20:11:00.000-08:00

There was a time when I have nothing against men wearing eyeliner and British rock bands singing absurd, dark and brooding lyrics hold a special place in my heart.. Clearly times haven't changed because I'm ridiculously excited about Placebo coming to town! Back in high school I would play Without You I'm Nothing on repeat and go to sleep wishing Brian Molko hadn't been gay. I haven't bought the tickets though, cause the price is quite steep considering I would soon be unemployed again, so I tried my chances on a number of online giveaways. If I don't win, then I guess I'll have to sell my Polaroid Pogo. Anyone interested?

bye bye for now

2010-02-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

Another best friend of mine is leaving tonight. I'm starting to get used to this. Lately it seemed as if people come and go from my life as easy as disconnecting from an unwanted chat on Omegle.

movie script ending

2010-02-05T23:45:00.000-08:00

whatever happens I still love Ben Gibbard & co.

tush tush

2010-02-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm spending my weekend in my bedroom with my laptop and internet connection, and I stumbled upon this girl's gorgeous paintings which reminds me of Petrov's works. Sometimes I wish I could paint even half this good; just so I can get myself away from the computer. This relationship between me and electrical things are getting unhealthy.

Sevilla - pt.1

2010-01-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

Sevilla! The first city we visited where we didn't have to constantly cling to our umbrellas. We arrived from Cordoba around dinner time, and went straight to the hotel at 8 PM, which unfortunately wasn't anywhere near the city center. The nearest civilization (read: shops) was crossing the highway to Carrefour or the several meters away El Corte-freaking-Ingles (they are EVERYWHERE in Spain, like Circle K is everywhere in Bali, and each store is only a couple of kilometers apart), so although we kind of had enough of El Corte, we decided it's better than staying in the hotel watching Lord of The Rings in Spanish with no subtitle.

So we walked downhill to the factory-like building, it was around 8.30 PM and it was cold and windy; we looked like shopping-crazy Asian tourists desperate to squeeze in a quick late night spree. And as it turned out, the El Corte was not several meters away. It was half-an-hour huffing and puffing walking distance away. It was 9 PM by the time we got there, and the store closes at 10 PM. I literally scrambled to the shoes department, and in the rush of things I lost my common sense and bought a pair of black boots, haha.

The next morning, we went to Plaza de Espana for a round of pictures, and then off to the Cathedral - La Giralda. All those intricate details were so overwhelming, they don't make buildings like this anymore today. From there we went to the nearby square; ignorant me forgot what it's called. Sevilla has this very nice and friendly atmosphere, so much so that I didn't even care about the shops. We just walked up and down the street and took a bunch of photos. I don't quite know how to explain it, but in way it's more pleasant than Madrid or Cordoba. Or maybe it's just because it's not as cold as the previous two cities we visited.

pink is not my favorite color, pt.2

2010-01-25T07:43:00.000-08:00

Today has to be one of the shittiest day at work I've ever experienced. I had it up to here with the constant office drama, I missed the last bus home and had to take a taxi; which costs approximately one bottle of OPI nail polish, and I was starving. My boyfriend obligingly came to the rescue with a cinnamon roll (with icing) and a cup of hot cocoa, and while that's very nice and all that, coming home to a brown paper package was what really cheered me up. It's the iPod sticker/skin I ordered online; you can choose whatever design you want and it should arrive in the mail within 2-3 days. I must say I love love love it. (I'd been stuck with a plastic hard case which wasn't too pretty to look at, plus, I often get bread and cookie crumbs stuck between the iPod and the casing) The sticker is easy to peel on and off and didn't leave any residue, so I think it's safe to say that when you get bored with it you can just stick it back to the backing paper and reuse it later. Now my iPod is shamelessly pink and girly, and I really wouldn't have it any other way.

want, need

2010-01-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

In a couple of months, not only would I be able to look at these babies, I'd also be able to touch them. Hopefully. Crossing my fingers and praying hard to God.

overcast

2010-01-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

I brought my grandfather's Canon AV-1 with me on the trip, and shot about 11 rolls with it. This is from the first random roll I developed. We were in Cordoba and as you can see the weather wasn't very cooperative; it drizzled all morning through evening. We saw the Mezquita and orange trees and Alcazar, then later had a little meet-up with Didi, a very very brief one. I think the rain really messed with our brains because our moods were as gloomy as the weather.

take me to Korea, somebody (pt.2)

2010-01-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

When it comes to the stationary department, I guess I never really grew up. Of course I'm past the Lisa Frank / Happy House phase, but the sight of any Japan / Korean products still manage to make my heart skip a beat.. okay that's a bit much, but seriously. Look at all this stuff. My dream job would be working with one of these production houses and getting free monthly supplies.. too bad I have little to no interest of learning a new language with a completely different set of alphabets.

all pictures are from http://www.gmarket.co.kr

random things #1

2010-01-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

Back to the usual routine: Monday to Friday, 8 to 6, or in some cases 8 to 10. I'm trying my best to hang in here, at least for a couple of months more. At least new tasks and upcoming projects are keeping me *quite* excited and occupied for the time being.

Anyway, like Ms. Dira Nurviani I'm also having a hard time describing my trip. For the first four days I wrote down the places we see, food we ate, things we bought, and so on, but after that I got too distracted by too many things to bother. One of the things I do remember:

1. Freezing in Fatima. It was the coldest cold I've ever experienced, -2 degree celcius. We walked in the rain for what seemed like 2 kilometers from the hotel to the Basilica. Five layers of clothing, gloves and hat were useless, both outdoors and indoors, because the heater in my hotel room was broken. My sister and I had to sleep tightly wrapped under the hotel's scratchy wool blanket and our pyjama pants tucked inside our socks.

they'll be out for us

2010-01-12T04:47:00.001-08:00

Paris s'éveille (Paris awakes), originally uploaded by maryvican.

A friend introduced this song to me a couple of months ago but I didn't fully notice how good it is until yesterday. I just read an unexpected e-mail, and I got anxious, then I scrolled randomly through my ipod playlists and there it was, loud and thumping, screaming shameless optimism and desire, it's perfect.

I know it's an old song but I just have to share this.. There are many versions available for download but personally I like these two best:

Paris - Friendly Fires http://bit.ly/6qFTdW
Paris - Friendly Fires ft. Au Revoir Simone http://bit.ly/8VIenR

download links courtesy of http://heymoyiesy.blogspot.com

viaje español ( y portugués)

2010-01-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

Lisbon is a small and friendly city; not too touristy and not too crowded, and it's teeming with history. Everything feels like it's at least 500 years old, even the McDonald's building. In the more modern part of town, one can easily spot The Orient Station and it is truly magnificent in real life. I can see it from my hotel window and hear the rumbling each time a train passes. Pastel-colored buildings, mosaic tiles, the yummiest egg tart from Pastéis de Belém, and rooster souvenirs are among my fondest recollections of this city.

Yes I'm home again. Home and heartbroken.

hotel world

2009-12-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

Sadly I did not get my hands on any single one of these babies.

oh canon

2009-12-16T07:55:00.000-08:00

Some scans from my grandfather's camera. I took it on my last trip to Bandung two weeks ago. We had lunch in this place called Sagoo, where we were practically the only customers. As for the pictures, those dust and speckles really bothers me.. I guess I should've cleaned the whole thing inside and out before loading it with film but at that time all I can think of is how to finish up the entire roll as fast as possible to see how they turn out :p

It's officially less than a week until departure date (!) and within the previous days I have successfully obtained a pair of red gloves and red beret to go with my red toggle coat. I am frenzied with excitement, can you tell?

walls and windows

2009-12-15T07:30:00.000-08:00

this is a message to Ms. Dira Nurviani: your watch has arrived, and you better buy that train ticket soon because I'll be waiting for you outside this building on the 28th and I demand you to be there even if it means you have to hitch-hike from Stuttgart. :p

picture credits to http://www.flickr.com/photos/thepearl/313639311/

their summer vacations, pt.2

2009-11-29T04:54:00.000-08:00

We went to the mountains for the weekend, and stayed at my half-grandfather's villa. His place is like a hunting ground for a sneaky girl like me. He and his late wife had quite the collection of bric-a-brac that are long forgotten and just begging to be found. On my last visit, I found some floral mugs and a tripod, so this time I'm aiming for something more functional: cameras. I know my half-grandfather had to have some camera lying around, judging by the amount of photo albums lining up the bookshelf.

I searched this one cupboard that I've never touched before, and the first things I found were plates, cutleries and these colorful coasters. Then I found boxes upon boxes of film negatives, and even more boxes of slides! It's the first time I ever saw a slide film, and there's this projector thing to view it with too, but I didn't check if it still works. I spent hours peeking through those cardboard frames, it's just too cute. They're just too cute.

My half-grandfather and half-grandmother had lived in the Netherlands since the 50s. He was an engineer and she worked with the embassy I think. Most of the photos I discovered were pictures of their holiday and it's safe to say that they've probably been around the world; Norway, Egypt, Greece, Hong Kong, China. The sad thing was they never had a child; and my half-grandmother had passed away a couple of years ago, leaving her husband behind. Seeing their photos and seeing how my grandfather is now got me thinking how cruel time is. Some decades ago, while he was posing in front of the Pisa, had it crossed his mind that eventually he'd end up here in Jakarta, spending every single day in a dull cycle of eating sleeping and watching tv? Things get taken away from you, sometimes too easily, and sometimes you can't do anything about it. Your coasters, cameras, and even your wife. But in my grandfather's case, I hope the memories stay with him. Maybe I should check if that projector still works; I think he would like a slideshow or two.

(500) Days of Summer - or She's Just Not That Into You

2009-11-20T00:36:00.000-08:00

Whoever labelled this movie 'romantic comedy' need to get their heads checked. It's romantic alright; the elevator scene, the IKEA scene, the numerous cuddling scenes.. I don't recall many comedic moments, aside from Tom the leading man's silly behavior on his pursuit of Summer earlier in the movie.. but as we go further in the movie and see how Summer's feelings gradually disappear, this movie is downright depressing.

I admit that I watched this movie expecting a happy-sad ending, and I expect the couple to stay together. So starting from the diner scene ("No, I'm Sid"), the record store scene where she forgot the mixtape Tom gave her, right until the party at her place where she parades around with a ring on her finger.

The cheesy conventional romantic in me still hoped that they'll get back together in the end, but the wedding scene confirmed otherwise. I didn't care less about the rest of the movie because then of course like any other romantic comedy, Tom had to 'grow up' and wake up from his temporary lapse of depression over Summer by pursuing his dream of becoming an architect, and eventually move on to another girl (in this case, her name is Autumn. Right.)

I hated this ending. I hate Summer for being so cruel in a so-called rom-com movie, and I don't understand why she did what she did. I guess like Tom I just needed an explanation of her behavior, and Marc Webb didn't elaborate too much on that note. Summer simply said, "She just knew." Unsatisfied, I told my boyfriend to watch it, and tell me what I might've missed and why I'd been so baffled.

"Aren't girls like that? They get mad for no apparent reason. One day they can hold you tight, another they look at you as if you're a stranger." I bet he was itching to add "You do those things too sometimes. Most of the time." Well I wouldn't say he was wrong.. I just feel cheated by this movie. I saw the trailer ages ago and I watched it expecting I can go to sleep afterwards with a warm utopian sensation and dream of pastel colored dresses and IKEA bed sheets. I didn't expect to be reminded by a movie how girls can be such a bitch sometimes. I refuse to accept the fact that maybe I am capable of pulling off a 'Summer' stunt; fall out of love, and leave. So, maybe, in succeeding to evoke such denial and presenting guys the ugly truth about girls, it's a good movie. And it's good in the way that it's like telling all men out there that whatever us girls do, it's nothing personal. It just happened.

¿Habla Español?

2009-11-19T05:20:00.000-08:00

Work has been pleasantly slow the past two weeks. I hope saying that doesn't jinx it though cause I expect it to stay that way for at least a month or two. I still have two pending documents to send, been working on it during office hours and it's still far from adequate. I think I've lost my mind for even considering taking architecture again, not to mention the classes will be conducted in a foreign-non-English language. But I just know that if I don't do this I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
Aside from that semi-good news, there's also another semi-good news that in time will turn into very good news.. At long last, I'm going to get on a plane again (domestic flights doesn't count)! So excited. There's just this slight problem of schedule and the fact that as a new employee, I am not yet allowed to take my annual leave, but I'm going, no matter what. Even if it means salary reduction, or worse, even if it costs my job (oops).

let's go

2009-11-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

Last night I spent three hours in the traffic, trying to get home from a meeting. At first it was raining, and motorcycles swarmed in between the cars and buses, pushing their way forward, trying to get off the jam as fast as possible; but there's no way forward. Vehicles crawl from every direction and all of us seemed to be tied in a knot. At this point I was still singing along to the radio, and munching the caramel popcorn one of the architects gave us at the meeting.

Nex thing I know, I'm on the highway. Inching slowly every five minutes or so. The rain had stopped but not one song on the radio can cheer me up. Not even 'When Love and Hate Collide' (I loooved singing along to it). I thought about the bright and air-conditioned cold shopping centers. The rows of colorful nail lacquers. The pretzels, frozen yoghurts, and warm rice with black pepper chicken steak. The big red banner that bore the word 'SALE'. And there I was in an air-conditioned car, surrounded by other cars, and my calf and knees were sore. I really felt like crying then.

I guess I was genuinely upset that I took several wrong turns that seemed to end up in different corners of the city, but at long last I was on the right track. The malls were at my left and right, but it's already nearing closing time. All of a sudden the road in front of me cleared, and I stomped on the gas like a villain would stomp on a hero's hand, hanging by a ledge. I made a promise to myself that I will get out of here, someday I will.

snap snap

2009-11-02T06:54:00.000-08:00

It turns out I misplaced my second roll from my last trip to Bandung, can't find it anywhere, boo hoo.

These are shots from the third roll. I just got it from a nearby Fuji. The sir who scanned the negatives wasn't too excited about being waited on by a customer half an hour before closing hour, and he cropped the pictures into every different sizes. And I don't know how those burns (or dodges?) on the second photo happened. There are quite a few more with even nastier 'stains' you wouldn't have guessed they came from the year 2009. Was it the film, or the camera? They do give this rugged look to the picture but I'm creeped out by those rusty burns. Or whatever those are called.

I'm expecting the TLR to arrive one of these days.. can't hardly wait. I already bought six rolls of film for it, and those came in about a week ago, haha.

a baby

2009-11-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not a huge fan of kids. Especially kids who scream and shout and run around chasing each other and knocking off vases along the way.. Sometimes I think a little stun gun is the only trick to calming down these hooligans; but babies, babies are different. They're quiet and cute and smell nice (when they're behaved and not pooping their pants, that is) and I can never get tired of staring at them.

Like this baby, a friend's first born daughter. She was sleeping when we arrived to see her but her tiny mouth wouldn't stop twitching, like she was munching on something. And then we got a little loud and she made this frowning face which of course made us all squeal even louder still. Then, at one point while I was snapping every single facial movement she made, she smiled a bit; looking like she was having a pleasant dream. I felt happy for her, and I wonder how her parents must've felt, seeing this beautiful innocent bundle of fat rosy cheeks; knowing that she's theirs.

My friend the mommy was still recovering from her c-section, so mosty she looked tired and she can't exactly jump with joy. The daddy, on the other hand, was practically glowing. I don't really know him that well, but from what I recalled he's not really Mr Sunshine. He wasn't in the room when we arrived, and when he entered, he grinned to his wife and said the richest 'Hey' I have ever heard in my life; it was full of love, bliss, pride, relief, and respect. I wonder how it would feel to hear that 'Hey'. I want to hear it someday.

pour l'annee prochaine

2009-10-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

Say hello to application deadlines! A list of things I have yet to do:
- Get my papers officially translated
- Take TOEFL test (not sure if this is needed though)
- CV and motivation letter in French
- Portfolio in French, too

Oh dear. Do you think my boss will allow me a week of to take care of all this? I don't think so.

In the meantime, while I should be composing a mind-blowing introductory letter to the professors out there, I got distracted by the long-overdue planner project. Hopefully tomorrow morning I can drag my lazy ass out of bed and get a sample copy printed. Crossing fingers for any attempt on making more money; more money will always come in handy, especially next year. And that's just two months away. Oh dear.

day 1

2009-10-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

10:57 PM 10/29/2009 | It's so easy to let life swallow you up in this city. Work, traffic, domestic issues and natural disasters among other things are occupying your waking hour that you don't see the importance in social interactions. Even talking over web messenger seemed a bother. 'Living for the weekends' is a phrase I heard a long time ago, but only now does it make perfect sense to me. Even on weekends, you're already dreading the next Monday lurking just around the bend. But maybe it's not just this city. Maybe everyone all around the world at some point have their own moment of stifling discontent with their 'less than awesome' lives.

Maybe the big-eyed girl in Denpasar had one (I bet she does!); when her husband of less than three months left town for the first time after their marriage. Maybe the girl in glasses who loves green (and singing) did too; when she walked down the entire five or so blocks of the tiny town Lemgo back to her flat. Maybe the loud girl in Stuttgart had it when she remembered her dearly beloved collection of shoes she had to left in her hometown. Maybe the girls in Bandung do; when they realize there seemed to be less and less familiar face in that city.

I just miss them so, so, so much, and there's nothing I want more than to have a sleepover, watch sad movies and talk 'til dawn with them. Now that's a perfect life.